The Devil lives in the details

I have always heard the Devil lives in the details. Well, here he was, Satan himself, performing an aesthetic surgery. After the procedure I could say hello to him, and then he told me he had specialized with Ivo Pitanguy, the real McCoy.

But don’t think the Devil always was only interested in filling his pockets with money through very expensive surgeries. From time to time, he performed surgeries for charity. For this reason, the United Nations had appointed him as Ambassador of Good Will.

So, we have now the Evil One speaking in international forums, hobnobbing with Angelina Jolie, having an exciting life, and not only making money, as many people would expect from him.

06/03/2023

Translated from Spanish

Hemiunu, Chief Foreman of Pharaoh’s Civil Works: Interview from the Eternity

He was very kind, receiving me without an appointment. He greeted me very courteously, in a perfect English- it couldn't it be otherwise (any V.I.P speaks English).

Without being rude, he asked me to go straight to the point, since he had a cricket match scheduled in advance and it almost was time for the game.

• Thank you for receiving me…eh (I didn’t know how to address to him)
• Hemiunu- he answered
• Oh! Perfect, Mr. Hemiunu
• Oh, no!...just call me Hemiunu
• Good, Hemiunu. Thank you very much again for receiving me. Look, I was a reporter when I was alive, but the reason to meet you now is just out of curiosity
• Of course…whatever you need
• Ok. First things first: One, your job title, according to history books, was Architect of Pharaoh Keops
• Actually, it was Chief Foreman of Pharaoh’s Civil Works
• I got it…second question: Who designed the Pyramids?
• Oh! There were a lot of people involved. Anyway, the “who” was not important. What really mattered was they were works for the Pharaoh. Besides, at that time there wasn’t that Architecture prize…what’s its name…Pritzker? So, nobody was interested in claiming the authority of a building.
• Yes!...Pritzker. How do you know about Pritzker Prize?- I told him amazed
• Look, Sir, if to live is hard, eternity is harder. So, we have to use our imagination for not getting bored, because we have the eternity ahead of us. So, we read a lot, make crafts, watch the news…
• Oh! I see
• That’s all?-said Hemiunu. Or, do you have an additional question?
• Yes, please…How it was possible?...I mean, how it was possible to build the Pyramids then, with the level of complexity their construction represent even today?
• Don’t delude yourself, Sir. When there is political will you can accomplish anything. And we have the leadership of the Pharaoh. Besides, the Pharaoh Keops had a team of very competent collaborators, not like today, when any Joe Somebody, without any skill, becomes a minister or president of any country.
• I see. And that is your explanation?
• Well, I’ll only add that the works of the Ancient World, as you call them, as any other humanity accomplishment, were possible because people had high yearnings, not like now, that people believe revolutions are accomplished texting in Twitter.

The knowledge of Hemiunu, Chief Foreman of Pharaoh’s Civil Works, of the current affairs, was impressive. Then, he added:

• Sir, I am sorry, but I have to leave. Ramanujan is waiting for me for our cricket match.
• Ramanujan?- I asked him…Ramanujan, the mathematician?
• Yes, the mathematician. But, you know, he is not doing mathematics at this moment
• Sorry, but I never heard that Ramanujan played cricket when alive
• Oh! You are right, Sir. He didn’t do it until recently. But as I explained to you, with the eternity ahead of us we are compelled to fill the hours, for not getting bored.

Then the great Hemiunu, Chief Foreman of Pharaoh’s Civil Works, got up from his chair, lighted a Churchill Cohiba’s and said good by in that stylish English with which he had used during our conversation.

06/03/2023

Translated from Spanish

Moses Ben Maimon, M.D.

If David Ben Maimon had listened to his brother Moses, leaving for Aidhab instead of India, perhaps history would have been different. The great Moses would not have had to go through economic straits, nor be forced to work on Shabbat. But young people are impulsive, and do not measure risks. What would have happened today? Well, David would probably have lost all the family assets in the FTX cryptocurrency scam, and the great Moses would have been forced to practice his profession in the underground economy sector.

 

08/03/2023

 

Translated from Spanish

Moisés Maimónides, M.D.

Si David Ben Maimón hubiese hecho caso a su hermano Moisés, partiendo para Aidhab en vez de la India, tal vez la historia hubiese sido diferente. El gran Moisés no hubiese tenido que pasar estrechez económica, ni verse obligado a abrir su consultorio hasta en sábados. Pero los jóvenes son impulsivos, y no miden riesgos. ¿Qué hubiese pasado hoy? Pues probablemente David hubiese perdido todo el patrimonio familiar en la estafa de la criptomoneda FTX, y el gran Moisés se habría visto obligado a ejercer la práctica médica en la clandeatinidad.

 

05/03/2023

The Australopithecus

The Australopithecus was not very different from us. Like humans, she walked upright, which allowed her to look others of her kind in the eye, thus flirting by winking. Her brain was one third the size of a current human, although in that sense I am of the idea that there are still many Australopithecus among us today. The Australopithecus lived in trees and fed on leaves and fruit. She was terrified about the unknown, call it eclipses, thunder, lightning, who knows what else. Fortunately today we have religion, which takes away the anguish caused by the inexplicable. That said, there is no evidence that the Australopithecus gone to mass or their kids, to Sunday school.

What experts suspect is that the Australopithecus made bone-based tools. I use the word "suspect" because this is something we cannot be entirely sure of since no Australopithecus ever thought of dying and having her tool at hand, for being fossilized with her.

As you can see, the Australopithecus was not very different from us: she went through life with her bone-tool in hand, while we do it with our cell phones.

 

05/03/2023

 

Translated from Spanish

If I came back

I don't buy that there is something beyond death. However, lately I have thought that I would like to reincarnate. So I'm thinking about something to believe in, to enjoy the promise of a future come back to this life. I have no preferences on the belief that promotes a guaranteed return to its followers. Of course, I do not want anything with the Buddhists, because they are convinced that their ancestors return as worms, and what I want is to get the most of my investment. For example, coming back as a brat from a wealthy home in Silicon Valley, or in Shenzhen, to be more in the vein that the future belongs to Asia. But, if reincarnation as an animal is a must, I prefer doing it as a cockroach, because in the event of a nuclear Armageddon cockroaches would be the few that would remain alive.

 

05/03/2023

 

Translated from Spanish

The end of all

 The end of the world is just arriving, my mother, a very religious woman, tells me. I didn't want to argue with her, but the end of the world has happened before. Like when the Chicxulub crater meteorite wiped out three quarters of the planet's plants and animals. Poor dinosaurs!... they must have been there, in the gym, playing backgammon or at tea time, when wham! that ball of fire burst into the atmosphere and landed on the Yucatan Peninsula itself. And that was it. There were no more worries… not for the Rex's gout episodes from eating too much meat, or the Brontosaurus' drinking problems, or the Pterodactyl's musings about the meaning of life. It all ended in a flash. As would happen now, if another meteorite falls, or without being so dramatic, if a sudden pandemic came from China that we could not yet control with all our science.

 

05/03/2023 

Translated from Spanish

A universe in a test tube

I've read it a few days ago, although the news dates back a couple of years: Abraham Loeb, director of the Department of Astronomy at Harvard University, argued in an article in Scientific American magazine that perhaps our universe could have been created in a laboratory of an advanced civilization.


This has led me to think about the different scenarios in which this creation took place. That we were the result of the hard work of a group of underfunded interns, who in the end achieved Universe 2.0, a universe that didn't fall apart at the first microsecond after the Big Bang. Or that perhaps we exist thanks to the late-night work of the council of elders of a civilization X, who after the weekly meeting on Wednesday night, and in the heat of a few drinks, created us, like a group of friends who gather to play cards, that is, for sheer pleasure.

In the end, what has left me worried is the other statement by Professor Loeb: that there are different levels of civilization, being the highest that one capable of creating universes. So, what level of civilization are we, if we even can't take care the little space we received for living, not to talk about the ability to create new worlds?

 

05/03/2023

 

Translated from Spanish

Un universo en una probeta

Lo he leído hace unos días, aunque la noticia data de hace un par de años: Abraham Loeb, director del Departamento de Astronomía de la Universidad de Harvard, sostenía en un artículo en la revista Scientific American, que tal vez nuestro universo pudo ser creado en un laboratorio de una civilización avanzada. 

Esto me ha llevado a pensar en los diferentes escenarios en los que se dio esta creación. Que fuimos el resultado del trabajo arduo de un grupo de becarios mal financiados, que al final logró Universo 2.0, un universo que no hizo aguas después del primer microsegundo que siguió al Bing Bang. O que quizá existimos gracias a la labor trasnochada del consejo de ancianos de una civilización XYZ, que luego de la reunión de los miércoles por la noche, y al calor de unas copas, nos creó, como un grupo de amigos que se sientan a echarse una partida de naipes, es decir, por puro placer.

Al final lo que me ha dejado preocupado es la otra declaración del profesor Loeb: que existen diferentes niveles de civilización, siendo la más avanzada aquella capaz de crear universos. Entonces, ¿en qué nivel de civilización entraríamos nosotros, si ni quisiera podemos cuidar decentemente del pedazo de jardín en el que vivimos, no se diga crear otros mundos?

 

05/03/2023

 

Abraham Coen, Israeli spy

 Abraham Coen was slim, bald and wore acetate eyeglasses. Behind this look of accountant nobody could suspect was one of the most important Israeli spies in South America. Coen had learnt the basics of digital espionage in the army, polished later in the Hebrew University of Jerusalem. But, what distinguished Coen was his outstanding ability to assume any character, complemented with an unusual expertise to read facial expressions. From Quito he traveled to Bogotá and Lima, covering the Andean region.

When that mulatta from Barranquilla crossed paths with Coen, his performance had been almost perfect. A few more years and he could have returned to Israel, bought a little house in Haifa, and run his import/export business from there. But nothing happens as expected. Coen began to lose his ability to read faces, the one that had distinguished him since his years of training as a spy. His work became less and less neat. One day, while walking through the old city of Cartagena, Abraham Coen, one of the best Israeli spies in South America, was stabbed by a pickpocket.

 

05/03/2023

 

Translated from Spanish

Abraham Coen, espía israelí

Abraham Coen era delgado, calvo y llevaba lentes de pasta. Detrás de esta imagen de contador nadie podía sospechar que se escondía uno de los espías israelíes más importantes en América del Sur. Coen había aprendido los rudimentos del espionaje electrónico en el ejército, que luego había perfeccionado en la Universidad Hebrea de Jerusalén. Sin embargo, lo que distinguía a Abraham Coen era su extraordinaria habilidad para convertirse en cualquier personaje, complementada con una pericia inusitada para estudiar expresiones faciales. Desde Quito, Coen se desplazaba a Bogotá y Lima, encargándose de la región andina.

Hasta cuando aquella mulata barranquillera se cruzó con Coen, su palmarés había sido casi perfecto. Unos cuantos años más y podría haber regresado a Israel, comprar una casita en Haifa y llevar su negocio de importaciones/exportaciones desde allá. Pero nada ocurre como se espera. Coen empezó a perder su capacidad para leer rostros, la que lo había distinguido desde sus años de entrenamiento como espía. Su trabajo se hizo cada vez menos prolijo. Un día, caminando por la ciudad vieja de Cartagena, Abraham Coen, uno de los mejores agentes israelíes en América del Sur, fue acuchillado por un carterista. 

 

05/03/2023

The intergalactic cockroaches and the nuclear Armageddon

They arrived on any given day, but sure it wasn't on Sunday because they used to keep the feasts.

They hadn't been here for a long time... since the Cambrian, actually. That the care of the kids, the business affairs, the social club life with airs of a sect, that the life of a sect with airs of a social club, etc... had kept them very busy. You know, the same kind of things that keeps a lot of people busy here.

The first thing they did when they arrived was to look for their earthly relatives and catch up... world politics, international finance, the price of raw materials, climate change, etc. Their cousins told them about a group of humans determined to conquer space as a response to the subsistence problems of the human race on planet Earth. This idea pissed them off. They weren't going to let some foolish humans screw up the rest of the cosmos like they had had with their own planet. They then decided to hatch a plan of intrigues among the leaders of the world's atomic powers, pitting them against each other. This led to an escalation of tensions between countries with nuclear weapons.

A few days before the start of the nuclear Armageddon, the intergalactic cockroaches departed. It was any day, but it sure wasn't Sunday, because they used to keep the feasts.

 04/03/2023

 

Translated from Spanish