Let's start by saying that the horsemen were not very original. The choice of names Gaspar, Melchior, Balthasar and d'Artagnan was not going to win any prize in advertising. And when they were asked about the reason for the names, they only managed to argue that it was a matter of branding, since being called War, Plague, Famine and Death, did not have the connotation that would allow them to get closer to the masses, except for heavy metal fans.
In any case, the names were a headache: Catholics contested three names, alleging copyright infringement, and the French Academy did the same with d'Artagnan. On the other hand, the Chief Rabbinate of Israel invited the horsemen to the Valley of Gehenna to discuss the Talmud with its wisest men. The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse thanked the invitation, but excused themselves from attending, due to their busy schedule.
In order to avoid further blunders, as well as million-dollar copyright infringement lawsuits before the World Intellectual Property Organization, the horsemen requested, via digitally signed email, that the father of public relations himself, Edward Bernays, be resurrected to help them. Once that was done, Bernays, with the advantage of not having to eat, sleep or go to the bathroom, gobbled up in one morning all the technical literature on intellectual property, marketing, and social media he could find, getting up to speed to properly tackle the task for which he had been brought back.
The agenda Bernays arranged for the horsemen was exhaustive: UN, EU, ASEAN, WTO, APEC, ALADI, CAN, MERCOSUR (sorry if I forget anyone)...OPEC, NATO...and of course, the Davos Forum. The appearances were accompanied by good taste; no Zara suits...all Brook Brothers', including the finest ties handmade in Sri Lanka by virgins who did not consume gluten.
Despite resurrecting Bernays, who violated his exclusivity contract by advising the pharmaceutical industry on how to sell more antidepressants, the Four Horsemen did not do well in their campaign to spread the word about more dark days to come. It was all arriving at Davos to be seduced by banquets and invitations to be part of business projects, and even to participate in a Hollywood movie, so speeches on climate change, technological unemployment, extreme poverty, and European migration policy were left aside. But what could they be criticized for, if they were only the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse!
11/01/2023
Translated from Spanish